Dealing with loss
It’s a tough subject but it’s also something that at some point we’re all going to have to deal with.
Losing a loved one.
Nobody likes talking about this but that’s one reason why we need to be speaking about it.
You might assume that we’re only speaking about people here but that isn’t the case, losing a pet can be equally as devastating.
Death may be the end of life, but it is not the end of a relationship and adjusting to life without them in it does not follow any stages or a pattern. There is no such thing as the 7 stages of grief, and we all deal with it differently.
Emotions often hide under a sense of numbness or almost out-of-body sensation. You might feel relief, anger, crippling pain or even happiness.
Whatever you feel, it’s OK and completely normal.
What should I do?
There’s no right or wrong answer here, grief is a natural process that needs to play out. Some people try to keep busy; others might spend days in bed.
The important thing is to understand that the pain will ease, and the grief will pass in it’s own time.
Here’s some ideas to try if you’re grieving:
- Reach out to people who understand grief – whether friends or support groups.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Get extra rest – physical and emotional exhaustion is common.
- Move your body – Try to get outside a little each day.
- Don’t make any major decisions.
How can I help someone grieving?
1. Don’t avoid contact
You might feel like you shouldn’t talk about their loss or worry about saying the wrong thing but staying silent can make the feeling of isolation or sadness worse. Simply reach out and let them know that you’re available to talk and listen.
2. can you help?
Many people offer to help but don’t know how. You could maybe help with groceries, chores or informing others of the loss.
Alternatively, you could help them to find suitable support, whether that’s a charity like CRUSE or counselling.
3. Talk or listen?
When speaking to someone who is grieving you can ask whether they would prefer for you to just listen and not talk or for you to talk to them, maybe about the person or animal who died or talk about anything else to occupy their mind.
Don’t be afraid to ask because assuming what they would prefer can make it awkward.
Crying is a perfectly natural part of grief. If you feel the need to cry let it come and accept it. It means that you’re processing what has happened.
4. Use your diary
Often times people announce a loss on social media and receive an outpouring of support. However, after a few weeks this support dies down.
Put a reminder in your diary to check in with the person in 4 weeks to offer support to reduce the risk of the person feeling lonely and forgotten about.
5. don’t be overly positive
Toxic positivity is attempting to take an inherently negative situation and turning into a positive. For example, “At least you had some great years together” isn’t helpful or comforting. Sometimes it can be better to accept that a situation is bad and anyone would struggle with what happened.
Weekly Wellbeing Tip
When it comes to supporting other people it’s important to fit your own oxygen mask first. You’re not doing anyone any favours if you support them whilst struggling yourself.
